Lost memories
by queenofnatebuzz
Summary: Her life was complete. It was perfect. But in the end - nothing is forever. A short story about a girl and her feelings about Kol and his death - and his coming back! - A/N: I decided to make this drabble a short story! Hope you like it! Rated M for a reason
1. Lost Memories

**Hello darlings :)**

**This is my first time that I post anything! I'll came up with this idea this morning and thought it would be an idea to just write it down :)**

**So since english isn't my first language I'm sorry for all the mistakes you will find there :)  
**

**Big thanks to my beta Sophie (aka captainfckingmagic on tumblr) and my dear dear friend Vicky (aka xLadyInBluex ) you should definitely read her story :)**

I was starring at the light that came from the fireplace in front of me.

Elena was talking to me but I couldn't hear it.

All I was hearing were his screams.

Screams of pain.

Screams of defeat.

Screams of lost hope.

And if I didn't stop thinking about them it would drive me insane.

How could this happen?

Why did no one help him?

Why did I not help him?

I looked at Elena, who just called my name, and felt a strange hate coming up.

I wanted to tear her apart.

She took everything from me and yet she didn't even know it.

I shook my head, giving her a sign that I didn't want to talk right now.

I didn't want to know how they were going to find this cure.

How Jeremy's mark got now complete.

I secretly hoped that this cure would tear them all apart!

Like they did with my soul when they killed him.

I barely noticed Elena getting up and leaving the huge living room of the Salvatores' house.

I pulled my knees to my body, putting my arms around so my head was resting on them and felt myself going back to the night that changed my life.

_My head was resting on his chest while my fingers were doing small circles on his chest._

_I felt his fingers doing the same on my bare back._

_"You can still change your mind, you know?" he said softly, continuing his actions on my back._

_"I would love to have you as a vampire, be with you for until the end of times, but I know what you will lose!"_

_I sighed and smiled lightly._

_"Don't tell me that you care, Kol." I answered before putting a soft kiss on his chest._

_"Well as much as it pains me to admit it, I can't deny it anymore: I really care._

_ I never thought of something like that before I met you. Fuck it, before I met you I never even considered to actually care for any human being."_

_His tone was getting a bit stronger, even rougher._

_I sat up a bit, so I could look at his face._

_In the soft light he almost looked like an angel _

_No one would believe that he was able to kill in an instant without even blinking._

_"I want to be a vampire. And I want you to turn me. I want to be with you and I know what I'm giving up for that."_

_I brought my lips to his_

_His hand cupped my cheek and he smiled lightly. _

_The devil's smile._

_"Then so be it. I will turn you tomorrow night." he said as his hand travelled from my cheek to my neck, pulling me to him to kiss me passionately._

I didn't notice the tears that were running down my cheeks.

I felt my heart beating in my chest but every heartbeat felt like it was breaking a little more

I never wanted to be dead more than in this moment.'

"He loved you."

I turned around to see Rebekah standing right behind me.

I gave her a questioning look and she just smiled calmly and looked down on her feet before looking at me again.

"I never believed Kol would love anyone. And believe me I know my brother. He wasn't capable of love, at least not until he met you." she started and laughed.

"The most surprising is that you're human. He hated humans; they were just a piece of meat, something to play with. I don't know what you did to him."

She still had a little smile on her face.

"What makes you think he loved me?" I finally managed to say, my voice filled with sadness.

But I never got an answer to that.

Rebekah just laughed while leaving me alone with my lost memories.

_"Invite me in", Kol demanded at the doorframe of my house._

_"Forget it. I will never invite an original in my home." I answered. I tried to put all the hate I had in me in my eyes _

_Kol smiled. _

_I felt a cold shiver running down my back._

_"Don't worry. One day you will invite me in." he just said and left me there, confused._

I was lying on my bed.

I couldn't stand to be with the others anymore.

All I saw there was that they were happy.

Happy to finally have a proper chance to find the cure.

Only Rebekah was looking at me with a slightly different look.

I smiled.

They could say a lot about the original family.

They could say a lot about Rebekah but I knew that I could trust her more than I could ever trust any of the others.

She wouldn't say anything to them.

She would take my feelings with her for the rest of her life, as long as it may be.

My eyes fell on the chair which was near my bed and my smile faded away.

_I opened my eyes in horror._

_My room was dark and I couldn't see a thing but I felt a presence._

_"Kol? Is that you?" I asked into the dark, and I swear I could feel his devilish smile._

_"Of course. Who else could it be?" he asked amused._

_Relieved, I laid down again._

_"I just wanted to make sure that you're here." I whispered._

_"I'm always here and you know it." he said and I felt him get up from the chair near my bed._

_I heard some footsteps and the next second he was sitting on my bed, his hand cupping my cheek._

_"I will always be here. I will always protect you. Now sleep." he murmured and I closed my eyes._

_The last thing that I remember before falling asleep is that I knew that my heart was lost._

_I knew that I was in love with an original, and not the worst of them. _

_I was in love with Kol Mikaelson._

_And as scary as it was, I knew that he was somehow in love with me._

I swallowed my tears away.

I wouldn't cry.

He wouldn't want to see me weep because that would mean that I was weak.

I took my eyes away from the chair and turned the light off.

Everything was dark now.

I closed my eyes and felt my heart break a bit more.

I allowed myself to go back into the moment where everything was perfect, even if it would mean losing myself completely.

_I felt his lips on my neck, kissing and sucking at my aorta._

_My eyes were closed and I moaned when he started to scratch at it with his teeth._

_My fingers were digging in his back, brushing his skin._

_He then thrusted into me and I let out a mild scream of pleasure and surprise._

_I didn't even know I was that aroused before he started to go in and out of me with ease._

_He brought himself up a bit so he could look into my face._

_"Open your eyes." he said. I did as he asked._

_I looked at his face while he kept pushing me more and more to the edge._

_My fingers were playing with his messy hair and I pulled his face to mine so I could kiss him._

_Our tongues were fighting for dominance and I felt his breath in my mouth._

_He was sinking into me with so much force that I was sure he was bruising me but I didn't care._

_All that mattered was that we were one now. _

_His mouth was on my breast now, sucking and licking my hard peak._

_I brought my head a bit up so I could kiss his neck._

_I loved how his skin tasted._

_He moaned and pulled at my long, brown hair so my head fell back and my neck was fully exposed to him._

_He bent down and put his lips on my neck, kissing and sucking the skin there before I felt his fangs digging into my skin._

_It was a strange sensation. A mixture of quiet pain and absolute pleasure which brought me over the edge and I exploded in my orgasm._

_While I was coming down on earth I felt him reaching his climax and licking the blood off my neck._

_He was resting upon me, kissing every inch of my face before his lips stopped at my ear._

_"Now you're mine. Forever." he whispered and brought his lips to mine, leaving me exalted after a passionate embrace._

_Yes I was now his…forever._

I opened my eyes.

My heart was beating faster.

The sun was shining into my room and I slowly got up.

I went to the mirror and looked at my neck.

It was completely healed and I closed my eyes, not able to hold back the tears.

My gaze fell on the pictures that were standing next the mirror.

One showed me with my parents and the other one was showing me with Elena, Bonnie and Caroline in our cheerleader outfits.

It was the moment I realized I would never be able to forgive them.

I would never forgive them that they ruined my life.

I would never forgive them that they killed the love of my life.

I would never forgive them that they killed Kol Mikaelson.

**What do you think?**

**Do you like it?**

**Please give me your thoughts :)**


	2. Greeting from the dead

**I decided to continue this story a little bit :)  
****I guess it will be three or four chapters long and I hope you'll all like it :)  
****A special thanks goest to my wonderful Beta Sophie (aka captainfckingmagic on Tumblr) and to Vicky!  
**

I was sitting in my chair, pretending to read a book but I didn't really understand what my eyes were reading.  
The storm outside hard to ignore and it finally caught my attention.

I stood up, placed the book on the nightstand and went to the window when suddenly all the lights went off.  
I looked around my dark room before looking outside again.  
This was not a normal storm.

I tried to go downstairs without hurting myself, grabbed my phone in the kitchen and called Stefan.  
"This is not a very good time.", he answered and I sighed.  
Of course it wasn't.  
It was never a good time if it wasn't Elena.  
"Do you know what's going on? There is no electricity and the storm outside doesn't look like a normal one.", I just said and I heard him sigh at the other end.  
"Bonnie is doing the spell right now."  
Without saying goodbye I simply hung up and sat on the chair.

This was it.  
Two hours later I was still sitting in the kitchen but it was illuminated by a soft light now, that came from the candles I lit up.  
My feet were tapping the ground of nervousness while my head kept showing me again and again the pictures of his dead body.  
Maybe I'll see him again tonight! I had to!  
"Guuuh, fuck it.", I said and stood up, blew the candles off and grabbed my phone and the keys before I left the house.

I didn't know where to search or where to find someone so I just walked around MysticFalls.  
When I was near the Grill I saw Elena standing outside and I couldn't breathe anymore.  
Jeremy was standing with her and they were embracing each other.  
I quickly went towards them and Elena turned around before I reached them.  
She was smiling at me, and it has been a really long time since she smiled like that but my attention was no longer on Elena.  
I looked at Jeremy.  
He was standing there.  
Alive.  
Real.  
In flesh.  
"How…", I started but Elena interrupted me.  
"That's wonderful, isn't it?", she said and I just nodded.  
Jeremy came to me and embraced me too.  
I slowly put my arms around his shoulders and squeezed him.  
He was real.  
I still couldn't believe it.  
"I found Elena right in time.  
Kol was going to kill her.", he said with a smile and I looked at him with wide eyes.  
"Kol is here?", I asked but it was more like a whisper to myself.  
"Yeah he was going to kill Elena but Stefan broke his neck, so he's unconscious for now.", Jeremy explained and looked at me with a serious look.

"Is everything alright?", he asked.  
"Where? Where is Kol?", I asked and looked at him.  
"Why do you want to know where Kol is? He tried to kill me and he tried to cut Jeremy's hands off!", Elena interfered.  
"Where is Kol?", I asked again and they both were looking at me with disappointment but right now I didn't care.  
They also didn't care when they killed him.  
"We left him lying at the cemetery, near my grave.", Jeremy said and I turned around and started running.

"Kol?", I shouted when I arrived at the cemetery but I couldn't see him anywhere.  
I went around a bit and kept calling him but I received no answer.  
When I was standing beside a tree I let myself down to the ground.  
I felt the tears in my eyes and shook my head.  
How could I be so stupid?  
How could I really think that he would come back for me?

After some time I stood up and headed back home.  
When I arrived there I noticed that there was light in my room.  
Carefully I walked upstairs and stopped at the doorframe.  
There he was standing, with his back turned to me, looking outside the window.  
He turned around and when I saw his face I felt my heart beating faster.  
I never thought I would see him standing there, smiling at me, ever again.  
"Greetings from the dead.", he said as he walked towards me.

I stood still so it took him just some steps until he was right in front of me.  
"Missed me?", he asked and stroked my cheek with his hand.  
I closed my eyes for a second, took in the gentle touch and the light tingle that his touch made me feel before I opened my eyes again.  
I didn't know what I was exactly doing before I raised my hand and slapped him.  
He looked down and laughed before bringing his eyes back to mine.  
"I guess that's a yes.", he said and grabbed my shirt, trying to pull me to him but I took a step back.  
"That was for the fact that you went after Elena first!", I replied and he laughed again and nodded.  
"Yeah you know Elena and I... we had some business to solve but I got distracted by your dear friend Stefan.", he said and tried again to grab me, but this time I let him pull me against his body.  
"I wanted to kill her first so then I would have had my head off from that thought but I guess I have to postpone that to another time.", he went on, stroking my cheek again.  
"Couldn't you search Elena after I could see you?", I asked and looked down.  
"You know that you would have tried to stop me!", he answered and I looked back up.  
"And now you think I'm not going to try that?"  
"Not when I'm finished with you.", he whispered and in the next moment I was pressed against the wall and his lips were on mine.

He lifted me up a bit so I could wrap my legs around his hips while we kept kissing each other.  
Our tongues kept dancing and fighting until we tried to undress the other one.  
Kol had definitely not much patience because at one point he was simply ripping my clothes off.

When we were both naked I glanced around the hallway where our clothes were lying on the floor as Kol kissed my neck and my breasts, forcing me to close my eyes and moan.  
I could feel that he already was hard and ready and that was the only thing I wanted now.  
"Kol, please…", I begged while his tongue was playing with one of my nipples.  
He stopped his actions and looked at me.

"You're begging?", he asked and I could hear that he was amused.  
"Yes because I need you, now! I need to feel you! I need to know that this is real and not just an hallucination from my head.", I said and looked at him, while my fingers were brushing over his muscular chest.  
"Well then I surely don't want you to miss something.", he said and lifted me up again.  
I wrapped my legs around his hips and felt him entering me with one smooth thrust.  
We both moaned at the feeling of being finally one again.

Kol started with a slow rhythm but with time he was going in and out of me faster and faster.  
Our skin was already covered with a light sheet of sweat and I heard my self groaning over and over again.  
When I felt him spill himself into me he bent his head down and placed his lips around the peak of my breast and started sucking while he kept thrusting into me and I reached my climax as I dug my nails into his back.

Later we were lying in my bed, after we coupled again for a second and a third time.  
He was lying behind me with his arms around my shoulders, keeping me against him, while he was nibbling on my ear.  
My eyes were closed and I was already falling asleep when he stopped and I opened my eyes.  
"You know what was the hardest?", he asked and I started to caressing his arms.  
"I was here. I was seeing you. I was lying beside you. I kissed you while you were sleeping but I never felt anything. You were like air I couldn't touch."  
"You were here? Watching me?", I asked and smiled.  
"Yeah. I was sitting on my chair as I watched you crying yourself to sleep.", he replied and I remembered the first nights after his death.  
"Are you going to turn me, now?", I asked as I remembered our plan.  
"No.", he said and placed a kiss on my shoulder.  
"Why?"  
"Because I think you're safer if you're human.", he said.  
I wanted to ask why he thought that but I couldn't find the strength to do that.  
My eyes closed again and I fell into a peaceful sleep.

I felt the sunshine on my skin, bleding me through closed eyes. And I felt my head lying on something hard.  
Definitely harder than a pillow.  
My head was lying on skin.  
My brain guessed that it was a man's chest but why did I lay onto that?  
Suddenly I remembered what happened yesterday and shot up.  
Kol was lying underneath me and smiled at me.

"Good morning, darling.  
What happened that you're so jumpy this morning?", he asked and his voice was husky from sleeping.  
I just kept starring at him.  
He was real.  
What happened was real.  
I was so sure that it was only a hallucination.  
"I...I just thought...", I started but I couldn't go further.  
"You thought that this didn't happen?", he guessed and smiled as he streched out his hand, so he could caress my cheek.  
I closed my eyes and lent my cheek into his hand.

"I missed you.", I whispered and he sat up a bit so his face was near mine.  
"I know.", he answered before he placed his lips on mine and kissed me.  
Softly he bit down on my lowerlip and pulled a bit on it before placing his lips against fully on mine.  
I felt his tongue brushing over my lips, asking for permission to enter and I slowly opened my lips to welcome his soft tongue that started to dance with mine.  
As I pulled away he looked at me with a questioning face.  
"Is something wrong?", he asked. I just smiled and shook my head.  
"No, but today I'm actually graduating and I don't want to miss that.  
Do you remember what graduating is?", I asked and stood up.

Kol grabbed a pillow behind him and threw it into my direction.  
I laughed as it got me by my naked butt while I was going to the bathroom.  
I brushed my teeth and went under the shower as I heard him calling me from my room.  
"Do you need some help?", he asked and I laughed because I knew what he was trying to do.  
"No I don't need distraction, thank you!", I replied loudly as I opened the water.  
With closed eyes I was standing under the water jet and startled has I felt two hands on my waistline.

I turned around and saw Kol standing behind me, grinning as always.  
"I said I don't need distraction.", I said and let gazed over his body, stopping at his erection.  
"Someone is happy to see me.", I pointed out and looked back into his eyes.  
He quickly turned me around so I was facing the wall and he was standing behind me.  
His hand was on my inner thigh and I felt it going upwards towards my core.  
I closed my eyes and inhaled a sharp breath and he touched me there.

"Well... I would say that someone is ready.", he whispered into my ear and bit down on my earlope.  
I couldn't hold back the moan any longer and heard him chuckle behind me.  
His hands were roaming over my body until they reached my breasts and started to massage them.  
"Kol, please, I need to get ready for this graduation.", I said and felt myself rubbing my behind against his erection.  
"Oh don't worry, darling. It wont take long. The release is going to be quick and passionate.", he said and with one thrust he guided himself into me.

He didn't waste any time and started to pump into me with force but without hurting me.  
I laid my hands on the wall, so I had a little support as he guided himself in and out of me.  
We both moaned and our breaths were coming out fitfully as I felt my orgasm building up.  
Kol grabbed both of my hands and pulled me towards him. My back was no resting against his chest but he never slowed down to thrust into me.  
His hands were roaming over my body again and when they reached my genitals and touched my sensitive spot I cried out his name while my body was shaking as I reached my peak and felt him follwoing me, spilling himself into me.

Later I was standing in my room and tried to get dressed, while Kol was watching me which made me nervous.  
"Kol, can't you go and do something? You make me nervous.", I said as I looked in the mirror and put my earings on.  
"Why that, darling?", he asked and I could hear him smile.  
"Because I always think that you're going to undress me while looking at me.", I answered honestly and looked at him quickly before grabbing my shoes to put them on.  
"Well...it's not like you didn't like it before.", he replied and grinned as I gave him an annoyed look.

At the graduation I was standing with Elena and Caroline.  
I didn't expect them being so nice to me but they really did their best to not show their dispair of my feelings for Kol.  
I smiled as I saw Bonnie running towards us.  
"Sorry. Did I miss something?", she asked when she reached us.  
"No they are just getting started.", I greeted her and embraced her.

"Oh my god! What is that?", I heard Caroline say and turned around to see what caught her attention.  
I saw Kol standing an the stage in front of the microphone.  
He was smiling and this smile was definitely not a good smile.  
He looked over the crowd with his smile as we noticed different people joining them.  
It didn't take long until I realized that those were not normal people.

Those were all the dead people that came back.  
I looked back at Kol and hoped he would look at me but he didn't.  
Instead he took a step towards the microphone and said:  
"Welcome back!"


End file.
